Featured on the Hong Kong Economic Journal (November 1, 2018)
One question that seems to pose annoyance to both the question asker and the question answerer is ‘how was school today?’. Countless children have told me how that question annoys them because they get asked it every day and when they give the answer ‘fine’, it doesn’t seem to satisfy the curiosity of their parents.
Parents of children of any age are desperate to know what happened during the 8 hours that their child was at school. My son is only 2 years old now and going to school for a little more than 2 hours and already I’m desperate to know everything that happens during that short period of time. Even more so for parents who have children in school for longer and are able to articulate what happened. What did you learn? Who did you spend time with? What did you eat for lunch? Basically all those questions are usually encompassed in the question “how was school today?”
But the problem is – children don’t have a lot to say to that question! School seems relatively similar to them each day and when asked such a generic question, it seems fitting for them to give a generic answer of ‘fine’. Then they don’t understand why their answer won’t suffice. Their teachers were the same as the day before, their classrooms were the same, their school meals probably didn’t taste much better than the day before and they played with the same friends. So all in all, the day was ‘fine’. But parents want to know so much more.
So, just this past week, I had a student share his frustration on this and so we brainstormed a list of questions that parents could ask instead. I also add to his list of ideas of what parents could ask their children and roughly arranged for children from young to old:
What did you do during recess today?
Who did you play with during break time today?
What did you have for snack? Did you like eating it?
What did you have for lunch? Was it delicious?
What was your favourite part of your day today?
Which subject did you enjoy the most today? Why?
Did anything funny happen at school today?
If you could go to school as a superhero, which one would you go as? Why?
What was the most interesting part of your week this week?
What made you most excited today?
Were you disappointed or anxious at any part of the day today?
How were you kind today?
How were you brave and courageous today?
How did you show perseverance today?
What is one area you grew in today?
What are 3 things you’re thankful for today?
How do you think you were a good friend today?
If there is one thing you could change about school, what would it be?
What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Are you nervous about anything tomorrow?
Is there anything you’d like to tell me about your day?
Some of the questions above may seem simple and mundane but sometimes, it’s the simple questions that can trigger more sharing. For example, asking about snack time can trigger a conversation about someone else who brought a delicious snack in and what that friend is like. Start small but the daily small things, add up to being a beautiful relationship built.
#Friendship#how_was_school #talking_with_kids #asking_right_questions #sharing
你今天在學校過得怎樣？
其中一條對發問者和回答的人造成困擾的問題就是「你今天在學校過得怎樣？」。數之不盡的小朋友告訴我，他們對這條問題感到不勝其煩，因為他們每天都被問到同一條問題，而答案都是「還不錯」，然而，這種答法並未能滿足父母的好奇心。
無論孩子多大年紀，父母都會渴望了解他們在學校發生的事，即使我兩歲的兒子每天只會上兩小時的課，我已經很想知道他在這短短兩小時發生的所有事情。當孩子在學校的時間越來越長，父母就更希望掌握他們在這段時間所發生的一切，例如今天在學校學到什麼？你在學校和誰在一起？午餐吃了什麼？當所有疑問總結成一條問題時，那就是「你今天在學校過得怎樣？」。
事實上，小朋友對這條問題並沒有什麼想說！學校生活每天都差不多，當他們被問到這種普通不過的問題時，可以回答的答案就是「還不錯」，但他們並不明白為什麼這條問題不能滿足父母的好奇心。一樣的老師、一樣的課室、一樣的同學、味道跟昨天差不多的午餐……總括來說，他們的一天就是「還不錯」，但父母想知道的並非僅止於此。
就在上星期，一位學生跟我分享他這一方面的困擾，我們討論了一系列父母可以問的問題，再把它們列成一個清單，父母可因應孩子年齡來提問：
你今天在小息時做了什麼？
你今天在小息時跟誰一起玩？
你吃了什麼小食？你喜歡吃嗎？
你午餐吃了什麼？好吃嗎？
你最喜歡今天活動的哪一部分？
你最喜歡今天哪一堂課？為什麼？
今天在學校有遇到什麼有趣的事嗎？
如果你可以變成一位超級英雄上學，你會選哪一個？為什麼？
這星期最有趣的是什麼？
今天什麼事情令你最興奮？
今天有遇到什麼令你感到失望或擔心的事嗎？
你今天如何展現善良？
你今天如何展現勇氣？
你今天如何展現你的忍耐力 （毅力 ）？
你覺得今天自己在哪一方面有進步？
你覺得今天有哪三樣值得感恩的事？
你覺得自己今天有扮演到好朋友的角色嗎？
如果你可以改變學校其中一樣東西，那會是甚麼？
你期待明天會發生什麼事嗎？
（明天）有你有什麼事情會令你擔憂嗎？
你今天有什麼想告訴我嗎？
以上問題聽起來可能十分簡單和淺白，但有時候淺白的問題反而可以引導孩子分享更多，簡單如詢問孩子今天的小息時間過得怎樣，他們就會從中談及身邊的同學。從微小和日常發生的事情開始，長年累月下來你就能了解孩子更多，建立更美好的關係。
劉馬露明